


A Matter of Healing

by lyonessheart



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Cats, Crups (Harry Potter), H/D Pet Fair 2016, M/M, POV First Person, Post-Second War with Voldemort, Slow Build Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-08
Updated: 2016-10-08
Packaged: 2018-08-15 19:42:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8070184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyonessheart/pseuds/lyonessheart
Summary: The war was over, but within them - the fights were still going. To heal became essential. The help he had - he gave freely to others.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Dear Prompter, I hope you like what I did with this. Even though Harry refused to work at the Janus Thickey Ward, he is still working with crups, so I hope this counts. I need to thank my wonderful beta, smirkingcat, who went through this with a finetoothed comb, and always encouraged me, to stick with my original idea.
> 
> For [Prompt #2](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Td1Xj4ZNIqFDdQLtMpkOWEqn2hI5TEx8tEtrEU1u1U8/edit).

 

* The Aftermath *

The war was over, but truth be told for many of us it wasn't.

It remained present in nightmares and psychological traumata, in haunted faces and the overall exhaustion that gripped the wizarding world.

So much strength had gone into survival, that once the final battle had been fought, none remained.

Waking each morning, getting up and going about the daily chores, sapped the little spirit that the survivors had.

And once it became clear that the entire society was deeply wounded, the trials began.

It was gruelling watching the Wizengamot cut through all of the layers, stripping the people bare and try to figure out why they had done what they did.

I watched from the side, giving my testimony and tried as much as I could. But they were determined to statute an example, even if you handled under duress, even if your family was threatened - they wanted to punish and punish they did.

Draco was sentenced to six months in Azkaban, many might say it was not enough. But to me it was too much already. Looking at Draco's face I felt sicker than ever before, and thus I left. The Reporters where swarming around me once again, shouting their questions. But I ignored them and kept on walking.

I had to get out of there.

 

* Meeting Lucy *

I sit in the park, staring unseeing - at what - I don't know, until a wet nose touches my hand and soft fur jolts me back to the present.

"Hey." A rare smile cracks my face, I can feel the muscles complain, but my hand starts to pet the friendly golden dog that looks at me inquisitively. "Aren't you beautiful?" 

"Her name is Lucy." The woman, who settles onto the bench next to me, smiles. "She likes you. So if you want to pet her, go ahead, I'll just enjoy the sun for a while." She leans back and closes her eyes while Lucy settles close to me and allows my gentle ministrations, while the thoughts drift. 

I think about all of the people that have died during the last few months, and I wonder if I'll ever be comfortable with the feelings of guilt and tiredness that I carry with me every waking moment. 

A soft prodding reminds me, that Lucy still demands attention and I continue the soothing motion. Truth be told I don't have a clue how long I sit and pet this friendly dog, but after a while my cheeks feel wet. I don't even try to wipe the tears away, instead allowing myself the luxury of grief without being judged. Every time I halt the stroking motion, Lucy turns towards me and whines softly or nudges my hand.

After a while the weight on my shoulders feels lighter and I take a deep breath. Bowing down to Lucy I bury my face in her soft golden coat and cuddle her.

"Thank you girl", I whisper and wipe the leftover tears of my face. I turn towards the woman who gave me this reprieve and find her watching me, with a soft smile.

"Lucy is a therapy dog. She decided you needed her at the moment. Seems like she was right.".

I nod and smile at her." She is wonderful. You wouldn't believe what I have seen during the last few months." It feels right to tell and I feel good when I tell her, "My name is Harry."

"Lynn", She returns the introduction. "Trust me, I am working with veterans and traumatized people. There is not a lot that I can't imagine," and her smile dims a little. "Lucy is a wonderful help, because most people forget the tight control that they have on their negative emotions, when she is around. It helps to cry and to realize that you have suffered. She doesn't judge. That is the great thing about animals."

"I see what you mean. Have you specially trained her?" I find myself asking. Not quite willing to leave her company already.

"Well, there is no special training for therapy dogs in the UK, but Lucy is a friendly and outgoing animal. She seems to smell when someone is in mental distress and seeks to alleviate that stress. If you would have reacted negatively to her, she would have left you alone. She is a smart one." Lynn smiles fondly as she scratches Lucy behind her ears.

"Are you here often?" blurting out the question, before I can reign my thoughts in, I find myself blushing, "I don't want to stalk you, or anything, it is just..."

"Lucy, makes you forget whatever troubles you," Lynn grins. "I am here everyday, and if you want you can cuddle Lucy as much as you want. You will know when you don't need her any longer."

 

* Needing help *

I feel tired beyond belief. Ever since I got released from Azkaban, I have gone through mounds and mounds of paperwork, trying to figure out where the estate actually stands, now that all of the reparations have been paid.

Of course they were not satisfied with putting me in prison and keeping mother restrained at the house for the duration of my incarceration. No they also sought financial compensation. It is only luck that Lucius had invested most of our money in Muggle businesses. Otherwise the outlook would be bleak. As it is the Ministry has seized the contents of Lucius private vault, deeming that the biggest hit to the Malfoy's financial stability.

I am not inclined to let them know just how wrong they were in that assumption. As I close the books for today I feels a slight shiver of unease travelling down his spine and I call for Lindy.

"Master Malfoy is being calling?" the little house elf with the clean uniform asks.

"Has my mother told you, when she wanted to return?"

"No, Mistress only said she wanted to go to Twilfit and Tattings." Lindy wrings her hands and I dismiss her, there is no need to worry the elves more than needed.

"Thank you. I'll wait with dinner until Mother is back."

"Yes Master Malfoy."

* * *

Hours later I cannot convince myself any longer that all is well. Something is not alright, not at all. Mother should have been back hours ago. I find myself pacing, like a caged animal.

What if something happened to her? If someone has taken out the frustration about my light sentence on her. I feel as if my breath has been stolen from me. But before I can hyperventilate I feel a soft nudging at my legs. Relieved I smile down at my cat. Even though most people would be surprised to know that I love a simple tabby and not a purebred kneazle.

"Hey Tora." She twines around my legs, and distracts me from my near meltdown. 

But nonetheless, Mother should be back from her shopping trip already. Calling Twilfit and Tattings doesn't bring anything new to light. So it is with a heavy heart that I call my designated Auror, to find out if disturbances on Diagon Alley have involved Narcissa Malfoy.

Proudfoot lets me know that he has been called, but not because of an attack on my mother. She seems to have collapsed right in the middle of the street and has been brought straight to St Mungo's.

"I was just preparing to come by, Mr Malfoy. She is not in critical condition according to the Healers, and I wanted to talk to you about the circumstances of her breakdown."

"Can I see her?" I feel cold sweat running down my back, and it is only Tora who keeps me from freaking out.

"She was asleep when I left. But of course you can visit her." Proudfoot nods at me, not unkindly. "There was nothing unusual today?" 

I think hard about the day. But there is nothing that comes directly to mind.

"I am afraid I know nothing. I will talk to her when she wakes again."

* * *

Mother looks frail in her bed. even though her chest rises and falls I feel so damn helpless. The Healer told me that nothing appears to be physically wrong with her. She was severely distraught in the middle of the street though and called for help, increasingly frantic before she collapsed. A panic attack out there in the open - I fear for mother's confidence. She has always been proud of her ability to remain calm in any given situation. Now that is gone.

I sit there for a while wondering how to proceed now. The coffee in my hands has gone cold long ago.

When someone thrusts a steaming cup into my direction I am startled. "Here Draco." The soft female voice belongs to a woman with blond hair, and a gentle smile.

"Luna." I am surprised to see her muster me with worry.

"How are you, Draco? How is your mum?" She talks to me, genuinely concerned, and I am searching for the right words.

"I have no idea how it came to this. She was fine when she left this morning and now she is here all of a sudden. And I am helpless."

"The mind is only strong for so long." Luna looks at me, knowingly. "Your Mum is a wonderful woman, but I would bet that she has tried to keep all of her worries to herself. And today it was just too much, and her mind screamed for help." 

I laugh but even to my ears it sounds bitter. "You know her well."

"I know you." the simple statement floors me, it is so typically Luna. "You are a lot like your Mum." 

"And now what?" I hate the helplessness creeping up on me.

"Now you trust me. Tomorrow your mum will be awake and I will talk to her. You go home and take care of your cat."

Again she surprises me with her observational skills "How?" 

She picks something of my robes. A soft grey hair.

"Tora, she must have slept on my robes again." I am mortified.

"Well you have had other things to worry about." Her eyes twinkle again and I feel myself steered towards the entrance. But I feel a bit better knowing that Luna is there and will look after mother.

  

* Moving forward *

I feel like a complete new human. Weeks of spending all of my free time in the park and playing with Lucy have alleviated my nightmares. I talk more freely and have gained at least a stone in muscle, from all of the exercise.

But what is much more important is that I finally feel a sense of purpose in life again. Many like me, might need such a support like Lucy's, and I begin to research how I might bring therapy dogs into the wizarding world.

It will take time and effort, but I am convinced that my instinct is right.

* * *

Mother is laughing. No sound has ever been sweeter in my ears. I stand outside of the private room and listens for a while as I hear her talk to somebody, with her.

A man, if I judge the timber of his voice, correctly. But not a voice that I recognizes immediately. Mother solves the mystery inadvertently for me and I feel something within me tremble.

"Mr Potter, it was so kind of you to come by. Please will you do it again?"

I cannot keep my cool for much longer. opening the door to see what on earth Potter is doing with my mother, but what I see freezes me at the doorstep.

My normally poised mother sits on the floor of the room, on the floor! Potter sits across from her, but that is not the strangest thing. My eyes see what they see but my brain cannot really process the sight.

Two crups are playing on her lap. One pure white, with only a black tip on his forked tail and the other black, with a white mask on his face. The sight is so adorable that I cannot contain the gasp escaping my throat.

The effect is instantaneous. Mother freezes, her eyes scanning the room in the panicky way that I have come to associate with unexpected changes in her environment.

"Hello Mother." I try to keep my voice calm, not wanting to frighten her further and hating myself for having disturbed her.

"Oh, its you Draco." Her hands are shaking but the soft wet nose nudging against her, visibly soothes her.

"I didn't mean to disturb you, I will come by later." Before I can close the door again and swallow around the bitter ball of pain in my throat, Potter's voice calls out.

"Malfoy! Please stay!" The man has gotten up from the floor and stretches his hands out.

What am I supposed to do now? Take the offered hand? Pretend that the war hasn't happened? That I have not spend months in Azkaban, and don't quite know how to interact with people around me any more?

"I can't" and I turn away. The soft ‘snick’ of the door is unbearably loud in my ears. Walking through the halls of St Mungo's I feel as if I am back in the damp halls of the prison, but it is only when I recall the way that mother smiled at Potter in a way that she hasn't smiled at me in a long time, I realizes that my cheeks are wet.

 

* Hurting *

"He is so angry at me," Narcissa whispers.

I am rooted to the spot still watching the door, that has closed behind Draco's back. I wonder if I should have run after the man, but something has kept me fixed to my current position. Is that how Draco felt when his hand had been snubbed, all these years ago? But I am almost sure that I have seen tears glitter in Draco's eyes and I feel them like a punch to my face.

"I don't think that he is angry at you, Mrs Malfoy." I turn back to her. "Why do you think that?"

"I have left him alone. He had to be strong in Azkaban and then when he came back, I left him with the financial issues as well." 

"Why didn't you visit him then?" Now I am truly curious.

"I wasn't allowed to." Narcissa looks deeply ashamed, the crups whine softly and nudge her trembling hands.

"Then there is no reason, for you to be ashamed." I am secure in this knowledge.

"But he doesn't know that. We don't talk about the war and the aftermath. Draco has worked so hard to get everything back to normal, and now I am even more of a burden to him." She cries now, and I allow her the freedom of grief. The two crups have curled around her and the soft warm bodies soothe her soul.

"Mrs Malfoy, I think I don't know Draco well enough, to be honest, but I think he loves you very much and is deeply worried right now. And if I interpreted his reaction right, he feels that he should have done more. I believe that the only person he is angry at is himself."

"Will you visit him as well?" She looks at me imploringly and I cannot help but smile at her. "I will come by, to see you once you are better. And if I happen to see Draco in the same time - well that would be a coincidence, no?" 

There are still tears on her cheeks, but the gentle smile on her face lights the room.

* * *

Mother is getting steadily better, more stable and it is thanks to Potter and his crups. I shouldn't feel bitter about this, but I do. Even when she is back at home, I cannot escape Potter. He keeps dropping by to entertain her. I lock myself up in the office when he is there, and Tora is with me. Curled up on my lap, her steady purring makes me feel less on edge. The dull paperwork gets done, while I sip tea and cuddle my cat. I must say I am a sorry sight.

Still it is better than facing Potter. I don't want to feel trapped in my own home but for mothers sake I won't say anything.

I think I could have gone one like this for the rest of my life if it weren't for Luna. One day she simply stands in the Foyer and scowls at me.

"Why are you being so difficult?" the statement is so unlike her that I am taken aback.

"Excuse me?" I stare at her. I really don't know why she is so irritated with me. I have taken her advice in the hospital, told her I was sorry for the way I treated her in school and made a big donation to her department. Tora screeches at her and I bend down automatically to pick her up. 

"Harry told me, you refuse to come out when he visits your mother with the crups."

"That is true." I don't even try to talk my way out of this, there is no sense in lying.

"Why?" she seems more confused and less angry now.

"Because I don't need his help. If Mother needs him, that is fine, but I don't particularly want to spent time with him." I sound frosty, and Tora butts my chin.

"Are you still mad about the things that happened in school?" She asks softly and I cannot keep a sardonic smile from my face.

"No Luna, I am not mad about things that happened in school. I trust you will find your way out, but if you want a cup of tea, Tippy will gladly provide for you." Is it so difficult to see that I want him to see me? And talk to me like he does with mother, like he does so easily with others,, but I cannot jump over my shadow and seek him out. I leave her standing there, feeling exhausted all of a sudden. The gracious host that my mother would expect me to be has disappeared along with my former arrogance.

Tora meows softly and kneads my shoulder. "Yes girl, we'll go take a nap now" 

Later I will blame my absolute exhaustion for failing to see green eyes follow me.

* * *

My heart aches at the sight in front of me. Luna and Draco are so caught up in their discussion that they don't notice me, but it seems to be intense. Luna looks sad, as if she would like to help but doesn't know how and Draco? He looks defeated, and he holds the soft grey cat close as he walks away. Much later I will realize that seeing him so lost holding his friend close, I finally understood that Draco Malfoy had been hurt by the war as much as I had. He didn't refuse my hand to spite me, didn't try to pay me back for our schoolboy squabbles. He simply didn’t know how to act... But what have I done to deserve his ire then? His exhausted words ring in my ears.

"No Luna, I am not mad about things that happened in school."

"Luna?" I cannot help but blurt out and she turns towards me. Her smile is gentle but sad. 

"Harry, where are your crups?" 

"I left them with Narcissa, she has gone for a lie down. Patsy and Dot are napping with her." I trust my two girls with Narcissa, they know and love her by now. "Do you have time for a cuppa?"

"Yes why not. Draco did offer..." She is so different from the exuberant girl that I knew, and I realize with shame that I had basically left my world for months to heal myself.

"Don't do this Harry." Her hand touches my arm, and I focus back on her.

"Don't do what?" I look into her blue eyes.

"Don't let the blibbering Humdingers distract you." And there she is, I can't help but be relieved. As we settle down with our tea, I look out into the garden. 

"So Draco has a cat?" Could there be any more inane statement? But Luna just blinks for a moment, before saying.

"Yes Tora. She is cute."

"I didn't take him for a cat person."

"Oh he is, he was always fascinated with lions as far as I remember. And Tora is nothing but a small lion." Her eyes twinkle in a disturbing fashion, reminding me a lot of Dumbledore.

"What did he mean, when he said he was not angry at me about something that happened in school?  
"Can't you guess Harry?"

"I haven't done enough to help him?" I sound bitter - but why is it always about me doing something for others?

"I don't think it is quite that simple." Luna sounds wistful "But it is not my place to say. I think you should figure this out on your own. That is if you want to."

I stare into my cup. If he didn't want help, what did he want then?

* * *

I don't like to sleep. The nightmares are too present, and thus I prefer to stay awake for as long as I can, but sooner or later I have to succumb to the needs of my body.

The dreams are always the same.

I am alone, caught in the fire and I know that no matter how long or loud I scream for him to save me he won't come back, won't rescue me. I swallow smoke fading from consciousness but then I awake in the damp cell of Azkaban. Alone again, why would I matter to anybody? And the fear, to be forgotten settles into my bones, clinging like tar to me.

When I wake up, my cheeks are wet and my heart aches. Even my mother could not pretend to care for me. Caught up in her grief about my father. But she could smile with Potter and his dogs.

Tora butts my face again and curls up next to me. When I drift back to sleep there are no dreams for once, and I am grateful for the soothing purrs that keep me anchored. If only humans where as reliable as cats.

* * *

For the next few weeks I am very busy with new clients. Ever since Narcissa and Luna have given interviews for the Quibbler and the Daily Prophet, I get a lot of requests for help.

My girls and I do a lot of groundwork with traumatized people, but Draco and his loneliness are never far from my mind. I really need to find a way to get him to talk to me, but I fear that he will avoid me, if there is not a really valid reason for him to stay with me.

My next appointment with Narcissa gives me an idea. She has gotten a lot more open and we have talked about her family quite a lot. Draco has been lonely growing up, and she blames herself for not being more loving towards her son.

"Now he only has the cat to give him comfort." She looks at me with such sad eyes, "He loves Tora." 

"Was she a gift?" I cannot help but ask, somehow I cannot imagine Lucius giving Draco a kitten, much less an ordinary tabby.

"Oh no, she just appeared shortly before the Aurors came and took Draco and his father away. She had taken a liking to Draco and when he was gone I kept feeding her. She didn't allow me to touch her though. When Draco came back, she all but clambered up on him. He smiled at her - I wish he had smiled at me like that." 

"So if she would be missing, he would look for her?" A plan grows in my mind.

"Yes. He would search the whole house for her." Narcissa smiles at me "Oh..., and she absolutely _loves_ salmon."

* * *

Tora has gone missing. I cannot recall a time, when I felt this scared for an animal before, but then again. She is so much more to me. I search through every room, and even in the gardens, nothing. But just as I am about to give up, I hear a voice talking to someone. Potter is back in the Manor, to work with mother I guess. She is almost back to her former self. Not that it helps much with my own issues, but that I don't have to worry about her breaking down again and leaving me for good is a tremendous relief.

Since he has probably been around for a good portion of the morning and thus maybe has seen my wayward about, I bite and walk towards his voice. The sight that I meet when I am about to enter the parlour though makes me stop. 

I have found Tora. She has settled herself quite firmly onto Potters lap. His crups are settled at his feet and he talks to my cat all the while stroking her fur. The irrational thought that I would like to know what his hand would feel like on my skin, gets stamped down quickly. Even though I could quite easily walk up to him and demand Tora back, I remain rooted to the spot and listen to his words

"You know I wish your owner would be as easy to talk to. I think he is quite lonely here in the Manor, and with his Mum being so insecure still, I hate to think of him alone with only you for company. Not that you are not wonderful company of course." He chuckles at Tora's soft meow. I swear that cat understands exactly what is being said! "Draco doesn't like me. I cocked that up for good I think." A lump is in my throat all of a sudden. Potter wants me to like him? 

"You know, there are not many people out there, which actually understand what this war has done to us." He keeps talking and I feel that what the crups are doing for Mother, Tora is doing for him at the moment. I don't want to admit that she has done the same for me so often, but the knowledge has taken root and won't be shaken.

"The Draco I knew in school, is probably a completely different person, than the one you know. But I would like to get to know him." He laughs "It also helps that he is bloody attractive, but you won't let him in on that little secret right?" 

Potter thinks I am attractive, I shouldn't feel like preening at the admission, especially since he has made it only towards my cat and not to me. But the words are out and I suddenly want to talk to him.

I open the door gently, calling for Tora as if I am still searching for her and Potter answers.

"She is here with me. Won't you come and sit with me for a while?" The tone is soft and in light of what he has just said I answer in kind.

"Why would you want that? You don't like me." Tora yawns on Potters lap and curls up tighter. As he makes a move to lift her I shake my head " No keep her. I am just glad to know where she is."

"I don't like the Draco Malfoy that I knew in school." Potter's tone is congenial. "But I don't really know you, and I would like to change that. I have a feeling you and I have far more in common than we both thought possible. And a man who loves his cat so much cannot be a bad guy."

"Just like you love your crups." It is an easy and safe topic I think, easy and safe is good with us.

"Well yes, I love the two, but I picked them not only for being pets. I work with them." He says it matter-of-factly and I want to hear more.

"What do you mean, you work with them?" I am curious.

"Do you really want the whole story or just the short one?" he asks after a short while.

"The whole one." I might not like it, but Azkaban taught me patience and the ability to listen. There was not much else to do with no visits and letters from outside...

Potter takes a deep breath and begins to talk, all the while his hands keep stroking Tora's fur. "Well, after the trials - I was a mess. I had thought that with me giving my testimony in writing it should have been enough. But when I sat in on your trial and they stated an example with you, something in me broke." He looks at me and I turn away.

Right now I cannot take the pity he might show me. "Continue." My voice is quiet but it appears to be what he needs right now.

"I left the wizarding world, and stumbled over a woman with a therapy dog in the park. Lucy helped me open up about the horrors that I had seen and I found myself wanting to help others do the same. I guess without Lucy I would have turned to drugs or other things to help me get over this. But with her I could talk about the things that moved me, I had a reason to get up, and every time that I felt like giving up, she was there and made me smile again. It took time, but I got better." 

"You do look a lot better." I cannot help but quip. "Less like a street-urchin, more like a wizard." 

His startled laughter is a welcome distraction, his talk about needing a reason to get up, has hit a little too close to home to be comfortable.

"So why crups?" Even though he has not told me a lot, it is enough to understand quite a bit, and maybe that is what he meant when he said that we are alike, I point to the two animals settled at his feet.

"Don't get this wrong, but are they right for this kind of work? I mean I have never heard of animals helping with depressed people, even though Tora has kept me sane long enough. But the crups needed training right?"

"Yes that is true."

"So how have you done it? Crups are aggressive towards Muggles as far as I know. Isn't it a burden for you not to be able and meet Lucy freely?" Is that jealousy that I am feeling for this unknown woman?

Potter laughs "Lucy is the dogs name by the way. So no it is not a burden for me not to meet her. Her owner gave me literature to read through. I know that with keeping my crups, I cannot walk freely in the Muggle world. Even though Dot and Patsy are not aggressive towards Muggles as far as my experiments have show, they are very rambunctious around them, and the Muggle equivalent to crups is quite annoying." Potter rambles on while absent-mindedly stroking Tora's fur.

I wonder why Tora is still so relaxed, usually she would have clawed her way out of the situation already, but there she is, sitting on Potters lap. Her slitted eyes are watching me, keenly and I am rooted to the spot. Just when I gather my nerve to get up and ask for my cat back, I feel warm bodies settle left and right of me. They are snuggled so close that I feel their heartbeats, I don't dare to move too fast, fearing that it will earn me a nip to the leg. Crups have never liked me, so why should they start to now? Potter smiles at me.

Harry Potter smiles at me.

I am floored.

"Uhm" and such eloquence from my mouth, I wish the earth would open and just swallow me down. 

"They like you." he says it as if it is the most natural thing in the world, to like me and to want to spend time with me. I scoff: "Nobody likes me, even my mother prefers to spend time with you and the little hellions here!" The sneer on my face feels wrong, but it is better than showing how much that hurts. I realise that I have said too much, when Potters hand shoots out and grabs my arm. "That is not true!" His eyes flash and I feel compelled to prove my point. If she cares so much about spending time with me, where is she then? Why do I not see her more? No she withdraws every time that I enter a room, a soft, sad smile and she is leaving the room. But before I can voice my opinion, Potter is talking again.

"Has it ever occurred to you that she is trying to give you space, that she might think that you are upset with her?"

"Bullshit!" It is terribly uncouth, but if Potter believes that my parents ever cared about giving me space and trying to avoid upsetting me, he has another thing coming. But before I can tell him, exactly how my parents handled such things before, Patsy clambers up on my shoulder and a wet tongue swipes through my face, the movement so suddenly that a startled laugh escapes me, and my right hand automatically cuddles her close.

"Draco." Must his voice sound so terribly understanding? I hide my face in Patsy's fur and to my amazement she remains where she is, paws over my shoulder and her little face tucked firmly against my neck. I feel her huffs of breath and they anchor me. So much like Tora.

"Potter." Calling him Harry would be too much right now, and before he can say something more I raise my left hand "You have to understand, that my parents never truly cared about not doing things that might upset me. They expected me to function. And while I have no doubt that my mother cares for me somewhat, she has never shown me that outright, or even talked about the things that have gone wrong in the past. Ever since the trials she prefers to withdraw. So forgive me for not believing that she is giving me space because she is scared that I might be upset with her. As long as I function she could not care less."

"You are wrong Draco." And it is not Potters voice behind me. I freeze and look at him, his eyes wide, so at least he did not expect her to be here either.

"I am so sorry that you believe that, son." Mother sounds sad, but then again she could be sad because now Potter knows just how dysfunctional the Malfoy family really is.  
She sits down across from me and I look anywhere but at her. She grasps my chin gently and forces me to met her eyes though,

"Draco." She sounds pleading. "You have done so much for me, and I have failed you so badly, son. Will you at least listen to me? If you still feel that I don't care then I can leave the Manor afterwards and you are free to build your life alone."

"You are doing it again!" I am angry all of a sudden and only the weight of the crups keeps me where I am. "How can you sit there and say you care about me and at the same time threaten to leave me alone? Mother, I don't want to be alone! I want you to talk to me, to be there for me for once! Do you know how happy I was to hear you laugh when I came to visit you? And then I realized that is was because of them, and Potter here." I blink because suddenly my eyes brim with tears and I will NOT cry in front of Potter. "I would have done anything to be able to make you laugh like this." 

I am angry at myself for the outburst, but when I feel her arms around me for the first time in ages, I dare not to breathe. Too afraid am I that she will let go again.

"Mother." My voice sounds strange, choked in my own ears and I breathe her soft perfume in.

"I am so sorry, Draco." Mother whispers in my ear and I feel her hand stroking me. "I should have told you how much I love you, and how proud I was of you, instead I left you alone, wanting not to burden you. I promise you that I will not leave you, until you ask me to."

It takes a long while for me to collect my thoughts again. The tears have fallen despite my efforts to remain calm, well I guess I am human after all and not the cold-blooded snake that so many of my former classmates thought me to be.

"Are you really well again mother?" I need to know that she is strong enough to hear about my troubles. But I won't talk freely until I am sure that she is not close to breaking down again.

"She has greatly improved, and forgive me for being cheeky, but your mother has never been a delicate flower." Potter is grinning. "I will leave you two alone now. But I will be back for both of you"

I refuse to dwell on the warm feeling that rushes through me at the thought of his return as he leaves the room, secure in the knowledge there will be time for this examination later. I take a deep breath as I turn towards my mother. We do need to talk.

 

* Healing *

Life has gotten better during the last few months. Draco does not withdraw as much when I visit, and still I feel that something is not quite right yet. I am the first to admit that.

Life is far from perfect, how could it be after what we have seen. But I live for the little things, like Draco's smile when I enter the room. When Dot and Patsy, amble over to him and curl up as if it is the most natural thing in the world and he indulges them in the same gentle ministrations that Tora demands so naturally from him.

Or the way that Narcissa and he are slowly beginning to talk with each other, about substantial things, about the way they want to rebuild the Malfoy name, but without the pressure that Draco would have experienced would he have to decide alone. I am happy to see how Narcissa reigns the expectations in that Draco is setting for himself, reminding him gently that only his happiness is her goal and a way to live in comfort, not the extravagant lavishness that Lucius provided.

There are days when he is still closed of to the world, but they are further apart each week and I dread the day that he might not need me any longer. But then his fingers curl around mine and he leans against me drawing comfort from me as much as from my crups and I hope that with patience and love, we can explore this little thing between us.

Life is far from perfect for us, but as Luna once said to me. It is all a matter of healing .

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! All comments are extremely welcome either here or on [Livejournal](http://hd-fan-fair.livejournal.com/115426.html).


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